Thoughts Today

It is difficult to sort through feelings, but I want to remember these times. Times of waiting and much angst in the background. These times of loneliness coupled with adapting to another new place with exciting new people. I love it. These experiences have stretched me, made me gasp and long for deeper communion with God. They expose my lack of self-motivation. I preferred solitude, then I loathed it, now I come to savor it again.

There is so much loveliness in the real, practical disciplines of the Spirit. I have never mastered them, but He has Mastered me. There is contentment, in either abundance or emptiness. This is the context we exclaim “I can do all things through Him Who gives me strength!” My circumstances are good instructors, but it is my experience of Father in this- and this- situation. Lean on the Spirit to do the gospel imperatives. It is rather important and humbling to remember how far, and in what ways He carries us. Anxiety says “We’re all gonna die!” Faith says “Yeah, but My Father has resurrection power!”

What is it that gives me hope for the future? This is the posted note I am pondering. I know the Truth, but why does it take so long to soak into our hearts? At various given moments my hope can be in other points of time. I have Hope for the future because I have Hope today.

My husband and I are at peace about the future, but these tangible things are unsettled. We find comfort in the fact that though we plan our way, the Lord directs our steps. It is exciting to dream what to do with these lives and these wild possibilities. We have our wants, but so much more a firm knowledge that His will is the best, and that our best life is not now. It is that expansive, eternal life we are living in Christ, or rather, He is living in us.

Pondering with degrees of awe:
How does God take the little things I am doing today and make them matter, for His glory?

The Wonder of the Wait

Are we waiting on God or is God waiting on us? or with us? Waiting is frustrating. My husband and I can make plans to start his clinical rotations once a particularly wonderful individual in a scheduling office does their job. However, we are not waiting as if God is late to an appointment and He is in the way of progress. God has us in an holding pattern and I know well enough I always need more faith, more patience, more breaking my will and seeing His.  It is the Divine liberty to frustrate plans.

"God's sense of timing will confound ours... Jesus in effect says (to Jairus) 'I will not be hurried because I love you. I know what I'm doing. And if you try to impose your understanding of schedule on Me, you will struggle to feel loved by Me.'" (Timothy Keller, "King's Cross").

Daniel saw "the Ancient of days (sit down...and) thousand thousands ministered unto Him" (Daniel 7: 9-10). How do we standby and minister to God? I don't suppose He needs His slippers brought to Him. Are we truly capable of refreshing God's Spirit? Somehow, Omnipotent God lets us do Him service.

If you want something done right, do it yourself, or "One is never served so well as by oneself" (Charles-Guillaume Etienne). That is the motto of me, the impatient human. In contrast, it is the glory of God to be long-suffering with our inferior service. Because of His patience we have opportunity to wait on Him, and somehow, it glorifies Him! The greatest measure of our devotion is obedience, even and especially in waiting. We can wait near His throne, available to do whatever His heart desires. "How blessed are those who dwell in Your house! They are ever praising You. Selah" ( Psalm 84:4). Real contentment is in a life awed by God.

"'And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You.' Deliver me from all my transgressions..." (Psalm 39:7-8).